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One spring day, a fish was swimming about a foot
below the surface of a lake and saw a fly hovering just out of
striking distance. The fish said to itself, "If that fly
comes six inches closer, I'll jump up and have myself a meal."
Just then, a bear on the shore of the lake looked up and said
to itself, " If that fly gets any closer to that fish, the
fish will jump up, and I'll catch the fish and have myself a meal."
As luck would have it, a hunter saw what was happening.
He thought to himself, "If that fly moves closer to the fish,
the fish will jump, the bear will lean over to grab the fish,
and I'll shoot the bear." Just then, a rat was standing behind
the hunter saying to itself," If that fly moves closer to
the fish, the fish will jump, the bear will lean over to grab
the fish, the hunter will lean over to shoot the bear, and I'll
grab the sandwich from the back pocket of the hunter. However,
unbeknownst to the rat, a cat was observing everything and thinking,
"If that fly moves closer to the fish, the fish will jump,
the bear will grab the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, the
rat will grab the sandwich, and I'll snatch the rat."At that
very moment, the fly dropped a few inches, the fish grabbed the
fly, the bear grabbed the fish, the hunter shot the bear, the
rat grabbed the sandwich, the cat jumped, missed the rat and landed
in the lake.The moral of this story is:If the fly drops six inches
the pussy will get wet.
| Three Dogs...and a Collie |
The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bull dog
are in a doggie bar having a drink when a very nice looking female
Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say 'liver'
and 'cheese' in a sentence can be my topdog." So the Doberman
says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie says, "Sorry,
that's not good enough." The Bull dog says, "I'll have
some liver and cheese, please." She says, "Sorry, that's
not creative enough." Finally the Chihuahua says, "Liver
alone......cheese mine."
Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without
success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got
a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call
of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the
bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set
themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume
and began to give the moose love call. Before long, their call
was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into
the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front
said, "Okay, let's get out and get him." After a moment
that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The
zipper is stuck! What are we going to do?" The guy in the
front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but
you'd better brace yourself."
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye
dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging
the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks,
"What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just
looking around." |
