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A man goes to his physician and is shocked to find
that he has been replaced by a super-computer. The computer asks
him his ailments and the man says he has a sore elbow. A drawer
pops out and he is asked to urinate in it. After a few bleeps
and flashing lights the computer decides he has tennis elbow.The
man is annoyed and decides to get one over on this machine so
he asks his wife for a urine sample. He then mixes this with urine
from his dog and his small son and to top it off, adds some of
his sperm. He takes it to the computer-physician who again asks
him for a sample. He places the urine/sperm sample in the drawer
and the computer makes its usual display of bleeps and flashes
before telling him that his wife is pregnant, his dog has rabies,
his son has chicken pox and if he doesn't stop masturbating he'll
never get rid of his tennis elbow.
| Ten Reasons Why Macs Suck |
10) You can't use 5-1/4" floppy disks.
9) You can't go shopping with your friends for a Sound Blaster
board because Macs don't need one.
8) Your 200 MHz 604e Mac does integer calculation equivalent to
a 362 MHz Pentium Pro, but you can only brag about 200 MHz.
7) Networking a Mac is not an impressive feat.
6) Macs don't come in black, and we all know black cabinets make
computers faster and louder.
5) You have to add a system extension to make Mac menus stay down
like Windows. We like pokey menus because it's too hard to hold
that heavy mouse button down while we read.
4) And the Mac mouse is too slow. We want our cursor to fly wildly
off the screen when we twitch our wrist because hyper cursors
make our PCs look faster.
3) You just plug Macs in and they work. Where's the challenge
in that?
2) When you add stuff, you just plug them in and they work, too.
Again, no challenge.
1) Your clients and teachers know about Numbers 2 and 3, so they
expect Mac users to deliver results, not excuses!
| Monica Lewinsky Buys Condoms |
Thank you for calling Technical Support. All of
our technicians are currently busy helping people even less competent
than you, so please hold for the next available technician. The
waiting time is now estimated at between fifteen minutes and eternity.
In order to expedite your call, please punch your 63-digit product
identi-fication number onto your telephone touch pad, followed
by your product serial number, which can be found in a secret
compartment inside your computer where, for security purposes,
is printed in the smallest typeface known to mankind. Do that
now.
| An artist, a lawyer, and a
computer scientist |
An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are
discussing the merits of a mistress. The artist tells of the passion,
the thrill which comes with the risk of being discovered. The
lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce,
bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems. The computer scientist
says "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. My
wife thinks I'm with my mistress. My mistress thinks I'm home
with my wife, and I can spend all night on the computer!"
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