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There was a little girl and her mother walking through
the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.
The little girl says "Mummy, what are they doing?".
The mother hesitates then quickly replies "Ummm they are
making cakes". The next day they are at a zoo and the little
girl sees two monkies having sex. Again she asks her mother what
they are doing and her mother replies with the same response,
making cakes. The next day the girl says to her mother "Mummy,
you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night eh?".
Shocked, the Mother says "how do you know?"
She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa".
A gynecologist had a burning desire to change careers
and become a mechanic. So she found out from her local tech college
what was involved, signed up for evening classes and attended
diligently, learning all she could. When time for the practical
exam approached, she prepared carefully for weeks, and completed
the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, she
was surprised to find that she had obtained a mark of 150%. Fearing
an error, she called the instructor, saying "I don't want
to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered
if there had been an error which needed adjusting." The instructor
said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly,
which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back
together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark.
I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it THROUGH the
muffler..."
A guy approaches the window of the movie theater
with a chicken under his arm, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl
at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies,
"Well, my pet chicken, of course!" The girl tells him
that he CAN'T take a chicken into the theater, so he goes around
the corner, stuffs the chicken into his trousers, and returns.
He buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the theater, the chicken
starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his
fly so the chicken can stick its head out - get some air and watch
the movie. Sitting next to him is Agnes. She elbows Myrtle and
whispers, "Myrtle, this man over here has just unzipped his
pants!" Myrtle whispers back, "Oh, don't worry about
it.....you've seen one, you've seen them all." Agnes says,
"I KNOW......but this one's eating my POPCORN!"
A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the
street when a masked robber runs out the bank and shoots her three
times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon
decides to leave the bullets in because it's too risky to operate.
All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the
room in tears. "What's wrong" asks the mother. "I
was taking pee and this bullet came out" replies the daughter.
The mother tells her it's okay and explains what happened 16 years
ago. About a week later the second daughter walks in to the room
in tears. "Mom, I was taking pee and this bullet came out".
Again the mother tells her not to worry and explains what happened
16 years ago. A week later the boy walks into the room in tears.
"It's okay" says the mom, "I know what happened,
you were taking a pee and a bullet came out." "No,"
says the boy, "I was jerking off and I shot the dog."
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