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A lovely afternoon finds one fellow and his wife
golfing. They have had a wonderful time and the man has had a
near perfect game. The final hole, by far the most difficult,
wraps around an old barn. With a terrible slice the man puts the
barn between his ball and the green. Knowing that the strokes
that it will take to get around the barn will destroy his score,
he begins to rant and rave. His wife hating to see him ruin such
a great afternoon makes a suggestion.
"What if I were to hold open the barn doors? That way you
could send it right through the barn onto the green."
He thinks this over and decides that it will work. With his wife
holding open the barn door he lines up with the hole and gives
the ball a terrific "whack"! The ball shoots through
the air and right into the head of his wife, killing her instantly.
Months go by, the man mourning all the while. His friends, hating
to see him in such a state, convince him to go golfing with them.
They end up at the same course and on the final hole, oddly enough,
another terrible slice puts the old barn between his ball and
the green. Again he begins to rant and rave at what this dilemma
will do to his score. He friend, wanting to please him, makes
a suggestion.
"What if I were to hold open the barn doors? That way you
could send it right through the barn onto the green."
"No," the man replies, "last time I did that I
got two over par."
A woman golfer suffers a nasty bee sting and leaves
the course to go see her doctor about it."What happened?"
asked the doctor."I got stung between the first and second
hole," replied the lady golfer.The doctor replied, "You
must have an awfully wide stance!"
Two gay guys were walking together when one of them
said, "You're not going to believe this, but I think I smell
penis." The other said, "That's because I just burped."
A foursome was on the last hole and when the last
golfer drove off the tee he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised
his friends to play through and he would meet them at the clubhouse.
They followed the plan and waited for their friend. After a considerable
time he appeared disheveled, bloody, and badly beaten up. They
all wanted to know what happened. He explained that he went over
to the cow pasture but could not find his ball. He noticed a cow
wringing her tail in obvious pain. He went over and lifted her
tail and saw a golf ball solidly embedded. It was a yellow ball
so he knew it was not his. A woman comes out of the bushes apparently
searching for her lost golf ball. The helpful male golfer lifted
the cow's tail and asked, "Does this look like yours?"
That was the last thing he could remember.
A man was golfing. He walked up to a woman standing
nearby him and said, "I'm sorry, I can't seem to remember
what hole I'm on." And the woman replied, "Well, I'm
on hole 6, and you are one hold behind me, so you must be on hole
5." He thanked her and walked away. A few minutes later he
approached her. Again he asked the same question, "I can't
remember what hole I'm on. Can you tell me?" And again the
woman replied, "Well I'm on hole 10, and you're one hole
behind me, so you must be on hole 9." That was the last time
he spoke to her, and they both finished their games seperately.
Later that night the man saw the woman at a bar. He walked up
to her and started up a conversation. Making small talk, he asked
her what she did for a living. "I don't want to say. You'll
laugh," she replied. "Oh, give me a shot. Just tell
me who you work for." "Well, ok. But promise not to
laugh." (He promised.) "I work for Tampax, you know,
the feminine protection company." After she spoke, the man
started cracking up. "See? I told you you'd laugh,"
she said. "No, no," the man said. "It's not that.
It's just that I work for Preparation-H, so I'm always one hole
behind you!!"
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