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A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled
upon an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped
a genie. The genie said "OK. OK. You released me from the
lamp, blah, blah, blah. This is the 4th time this month and I'm
getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about
three. You only get one wish! The man sat and thought about it
for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii,
but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build
me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. think of
the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom
of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete . . how much steel!!
No, think of another wish!" The man said OK and tried to
think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been
married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't
care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand
women . . . know how they feel inside and what they're thinking
when they give me the silent treatment . . .know why they're crying,
know what they really want when they say, 'nothing' . . . know
how to make them truly happy . . ." The genie said, "You
want that bridge with two lanes or four?
Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to
his buddy, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife
for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford
to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped." His buddy said,
"I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that
says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it.
She'll probably be thrilled!" So the first fella did just
that. The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my
suggestion? How'd it turn out?" "She loved it. She jumped
up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling
-- I'll see you in two hours!"
A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife
that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given
this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she
agrees, and they make love. About six hours later, the husband
goes to his wife and says, "Honey,you know I now have only
18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of
course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.Later, as the man
gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now
has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife shoulder, and asks,
"Honey, please...just one more time before die." She
says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the
third time. After this session, the wife rolls over and falls
asleep.The man, however, worried about his impending death, tosses
and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife,
who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think
we could..." At this point the wife sits up and says,"Listen,
I have to get up in the morning. You don't!"
A funeral service is being held in a synagogue for
a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the
pallbearers are carrying the casket out, when they accidentally
bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again
held at the same synagogue and at the end of the ceremony the
pallbearers are again carrying the casket. As they are walking
out, the husband cries, "Watch out for the wall!"
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