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A guy has been suffering from severe headaches for
years with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he's referred
to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The doctor asks
him what his symptoms are and he replies. "I get these blinding
headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and...."
He is interrupted by the doctor, "And a heavy throbbing right
behind the left ear". "Yes! Exactly! How did you know?"
"Well I am the world's greatest headache specialist, you
know. But I myself suffered from that same type of headache for
many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp muscles. This
is how I cured it: Every day I would give my wife oral sex. When
she came she would squeeze her legs together with all her strength
and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that
every day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes".
Two weeks go by and the man is back, "Well, how do you feel?"
"Doc, I'm a new man! I feel great! I haven't had a headache
since I started this treatment! I can't thank you enough. And,
by the way, you have a lovely home."
Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for
a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three
times three?" "274," is his reply. The doctor rolls
his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second man,
"It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday,"
replies the second man. The doctor shakes his head sadly, then
asks the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times
three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's
great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"
"Simple," he says, "just subtract 274 from Tuesday."
An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks
to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity.
When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring
mother and her five-year-old child. The doctor instructed the
child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the
woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and
after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the
feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first
breath. "Hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't
have crawled up there in the first place!"
Santa Claus brings poor Rudolph to the vet. He says
to the vet, "Doctor, please do something for my Rudolph.
His nose won't light up." The vet walks out of the room and
returns with a pet carrier. He places the pet carrier next to
the reindeer, opens it and out steps a cat. The cat walks around
the reindeer and sniffs it. The cat then walks back into the carrier.
The animal doctor takes it out of the room and returns. He hands
Santa Claus the bill. Santa gasps, "$350 dollars! You didn't
do anything for my Rudolph and you're charging me $350 dollars?"
The vet shrugged and replied, "That's the usual charge. $50
dollars for the office visit and $300 dollars for the CAT SCAN."
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