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John invited his mother over for dinner. During
the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's
roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between
John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact,
she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate
than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered,
"I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie
and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since
your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful
silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter
just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you
did take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you did
not take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been
missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which
read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you do sleep with Julie,
and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with Julie. But the fact
remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have
found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom." Lesson of the day...Don't
Lie To Your Mother.
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The
horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken
to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken
runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the
farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around
the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend,
the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow
again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled
to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse
said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched
over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy'
and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself
to safety. The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse,
you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
There once was a nonconformist bird that decided
not to fly south for the winter. He said "I've had enough
of this flying south every winter, I'll just stay right here on
this farm, what's the big deal, anyway?"
So he stayed. Winter came and was very cold, the nonconformist
bird had never felt such cold weather and was afraid that he might
freeze to death. Realizing he had made a big mistake by staying,
he headed to a near by barn for shelter. On his way to the barn
it began to snow. The poor bird was cold, tired and hungry. "Why
did I stay?" he asked himself as he collapsed on the ground.
As he lay there covered by the snow, a cow happened by. The cow,
feeling the need to relieve himself, crapped right on the bird.
At first being angry the bird said, "Who did this horrible
thing to me, how dare someone crap on me, I'll get him for this!"
The crap was too heavy for him to free himself. But, after a while
the crap began to warm him and he forgot all about his anger.
In fact he was so warm that he began to sing. A buzzard passing
overheard the singing and went down to investigate. As he cleared
away the crap to his delight he found the bird. The bird was so
happy to be free from the crap that he thanked the buzzard, who
then decided to eat the little bird.
The moral of this story: Just because someone craps on you, it
does not make them your enemy, and just because someone gets you
out of the crap, it does not make them your friend.
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