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Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman,
sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she
knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question
then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington
had to make before he crossed the Delaware."
One day the first grade teacher was reading the
story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of
the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read,
".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said,
"The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher
paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that
farmersaid?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said:
'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
There was a class and each student had to go up
to the front of the class and say a sentence using one of their
spelling words. First Juan goes up and his word was love so he
says, "Sara says she loves me". Then it's Chase's turn
and his word is hate. So he goes up and says, "Sara says
she hates me". Then it's Chris's turn and his word is dictate.
So he goes up to the frount of the class and says, "Sara
says my dictate good".
One day in class the teacher brought a bag full
of fruit. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and
describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking
about. Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red." Of course,
Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him
and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple."
The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like
your thinking." Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy,and
colored red and brownish." Well, Johnny is hopping up and
down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But
she skips him again and calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?"
Billy asks. "No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like
your thinking," the teacher replys. Here's another: it's
long, yellow, and fairly hard." By now Johnny is about to
explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him
again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says. "No,"
the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking."
Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey,
I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket.
Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it got a head on it."
"Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!"
"Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I
like your thinking!"
A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex
education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little
Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive
throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the
lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the
class. One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her
nest with some eggs." "Very good, William," cooed
the teacher. "My mommy had a baby," said little Esther.
"Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher. Little Johnny
raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls
on him. "I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone
Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians.
And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of
them with his two guns." The teacher was relieved but puzzled,
"And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?"
"It'll teach those Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger."
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